I’ve Moved

Guess what! As much as I HATE moving, me and my team have done just that! Check out our new home at www.kiaspeaks.wordpress.com. Eventually, I promise to move all of these old blogs over to WordPress, but until then, you can come here for the old and WordPress for the new! God's got great things in our future! I'm so excited; I'm about to burst! Keep reading, and keep replying! You guys give me life in ways I can't explain! Love you much!

 

---Kia

Top 5 Lessons Learned From the 2010 BET Awards

Thanks for reading the first five lessons I learned from the BET Awards! Now for the top 5!

 

#5: When You Make a Comeback, Come Back Strong—From the opening of the show, Sunday night was undoubtedly the night of comebacks. Kanye made his first appearance since Deboing the mic from Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Awards. T.I. did his first post-prison performance. Usher is STILL trying to come back from the bad publicity he received doing his marriage…and divorce. Keyshia Cole did her first post-baby performance. Chris Brown finally got his name changed from Mr. Slap-a-Chick, and El Debarge climbed out of his hole to promote his new album. It was an awesome night to watch. Everyone sat on the edge of their seats anxiously waiting to be blown away by these comeback kids; however most of them could be described as mediocre at best!

When you make a comeback, you should absolutely, no questions asked, blow your audience out of the water. You should leave no room for naysayers to speak. Your comeback should be so fresh, on-point, and above everything you have ever done that you leave your audience speechless, gasping for air, and wanting more. While most of the comebacks were decent, only Chris Brown left his audience speechless. If I ever have to make a comeback, I want to do like you, Chris!

#4: Classics Never Die—The music industry has been struggling over the last decade not because of its lack of talent, but due the large number of artists who a chasing the quick buck associated with fades instead putting in the work to produce a classic. Sunday night was a night of classics: Deniece Williams, El Debarge, Michael Jackson, and Prince. Decades latter their music still moves crowds like they are on the top of the Billboard 100. I can't say Gucci's "Lemonade" will be doing the same.

As someone who has recommitted herself to her writing, I am going to focus on creating classic materials. Whether it's my blogs, books, short stories, plays, or scripts, I'm not going to thinking about what is popular and what is going to make me a quick dollar. I'm going to focus on creating timeless, master pieces that will be relevant for years on end. I want to be associated with the Maya Angelous and the Zora Neale Hurstons, not the Zanes.

#3: Everyone Respects a Master—If you're going to be a craftsman, you might as well master that bad boy. Prince and Michael Jackson are two musicians who worked hard and mastered their crafts, and whether you like or even respect them as people, you have no choice but to respect their mastery. I can only imagine what it's like to walk in a room and have the respect of everyone: fans, peers, enemies, and haters. AMAZING! Good enough should no longer be acceptable. Everything associated with your name should be stamped with excellence…nothing less!

#2: Always Give 100% Effort—BET SUCKS as a network. They put in minimum effort and expect great results. That's not logical—and it has turned a large number of people off from the network altogether. This is unfortunate…and similar to the boy who cried wolf, because when we you actually put in 100% effort and produce a quality product everyone assumes that your product still sucks and no one wants to give it the time of day.

This year, BET produced a quality award show. It was by far the best awards show in the network's history. However, a large number of people who would've enjoyed this show missed out because they assumed it would suck like the shows of the past. You only have one time to show your audience your best work. Make sure you do that each and every time.

#1: God Redeems You in His Own Time—To say the last year and a half have been rough for Chris Brown would be an understatement. After pleading guilty to assaulting his girlfriend, Rihanna, Chris has watched his life and career crumble in front of him. Even after making numerous attempts to amend his wrong doing, it appeared that Chris had been blackballed from the industry with no chance of regaining his place in the music business. However, God sees all and redeems us of our pain and suffering.

While onstage Sunday night, God redeem Chris Brown of all he has suffered through over the past year and a half. God didn't even care that the pain and suffering was due to Chris' own bad actions. When you truly seek His face and forgiveness, He will publicly redeem you in a way that no man can stop. While many may debate what occurred on that stage, I'm confident in what I saw. I saw an individual who was genuinely remorseful for the mistakes he'd made and sincerely grateful to be given a second chance by God and to be accepted by his industry again. No matter what you've done, no matter who won't forgive you, no matter who is keeping you out, stay faithful and prayerful. The God of redemption will redeem you in His own time, and when you, and your haters, least expect it.

Life Lesson Learned via the 2010 BET Awards

I usually watch the BET Awards so that I can enjoy a little coonery with my friends via Twitter and Facebook. But this year was different. When I finally laid my head down around midnight, I had grown as a person, and I had BET to thank! No joke! Before you write me off as a loon, hear me out, and give my Top 10 lessons a chance.

#10: It is Important to Respect the Seasons—The Bible lays it out plain and clear, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1). And what the BET Awards pointed out is you will look a CRAZY running around acting out of season. I'm not too sure what Drake's stylist was thinking when she sent him down the red carpet in leather jacket in June or what Soldier Boy's stylist was smoking when she had him perform outside in a cardigan, but both Drake and Soldier Boy looked loony in mid-summer dressed in their fall and winter attire.

This made me think about how many times I had tried to act outside of God's timing or seasons. Like the time I was convinced I was going to marry this guy, but it couldn't have been God's season because neither of us were comfortable enough with ourselves to commit forever to someone else. Or the time I kept searching for a huge harvest (financial blessing), but I hadn't done a significant amount of labor. In both of these situations, I must've looked just as crazy as Drake and Soldier Boy. From this point forward, I'm going to make an effort to understand God's timing and seasons, so that I can work with Him and not against Him. Nothing productive can come from going against God's grain, but supernatural things can happen when you work with Him! J

#9: We Must Grow Past Our Human Complexities—How odd was it to see women waving panties at Tyrese in one set immediately followed by gospel greats performing a tribute to Haiti? It seemed a little out of order. A number of my Twitter friends pointed out that the producers at BET should've done better planning to ensure that a smoother, more respectable, segue could've been implemented. But how often do we, in our lives, do things that are similarly out of order. How often have you lied before you prayed, cursed someone out before going to church, or been stingy and selfish before telling God how much we loved Him?

We use the phrases that "God knows my heart," or "No one's perfect; everyone sins" as our excuses to have sin and out of order behavior in our life. In reality, that's just not good enough. While sin and mistakes are a natural part of life, as people who are completely in love with we should do everything in our power to live sin free and seek God's forgiveness when the complexities of life do cause us to fall below the mark of God.

#8: Good Writers Are ALWAYS Needed—Writing is my passion and my craft; however, recently, I have not been doing as much writing as I should. Watching the BET Awards showed me the necessity of having good writers. Some of those skits were utter fails and painful to watch. We all deserve to have good television, and my work deserves to grace bookshelves, televisions sets, and movie screens. I must IMMEDIATELY stop playing around with my God-given gifts, and further develop them so that I can become the great writer God desires me to be, I deserve to be, and the world deserves to read and see.

I encourage all of you to respect your God-given gifts and talents. He didn't give them to you to for them to sit stagnant. In fact according to the Parable of Talents that Jesus told in Matthew 25: 14-28, if we do not use our gifts to glorify God, He will take them away from us. The world needs what God has placed in you. Make sure you grow and develop your gifts to a level of expertise where you are prepared to share them with the world. Someone needs what you have; make sure you give it to them. J

#7: Less is Sometimes More—Monica is a BAD CHICK! Love her, respect her, admire her! But WHAT was she wearing during her performance? I thought she was doing some type of skit that required her to be a demonic angel based on the size of her shoulder pads (or whatever you called those things). I'm sure she thought wearing that outfit was a great idea in her dressing room, but the elaborativeness of the attire somehow got lost.

Lesson learned: sometimes less is more. Drake has hyped you guys up thinking everything has to be fancy, huh? Everything does not have to be big, fancy, and extravagant to get your point across. Sometimes simple is good enough! Follow your gut and don't draw excess attention or you may end up looking like Nicki Minaj, a complete attention whore. I'm just saying.

#6: Don't Insult the People that Help You Be Great—Did anyone see Diddy, Filthy Change (sorry, that was sooooo unnecessary J! Shouts out to @christopherbw for coining the phrase. Follow him on Twitter. Pure entertainment!), and crew completely suffocate in the fog during their performance? It looked like a performance failure, but if you watched the after show, you have a better understanding of why there was sooooo much fog. During rehearsal Diddy complained about there not being enough fog during their performance. He went as far as to insult the fog tech mocking that BET didn't have enough money to produce the amount of fog he needed. So once they hit the stage Sunday night, the fog tech decided to really SHOW Diddy how much fog BET could really produce! Diddy wanted to give a great performance, but he forgot that he couldn't be great by himself. He needed the people working with him to help him be great so that he could reach his goal of greatness. Unfortunately, he forgot to build up those around him.

In order for the people working with you to put 100% into helping you reach greatness, they must be completely invested in your greatness. They must believe in your vision, and they must want to see it happen as much as you do. This does not occur when you are overly critical or harsh towards those working with you. And it doesn't happen because you write someone a big check. However, if you pray for divine connections and focus on building up those working with you and helping them become great, they will bust their tail to make sure that you reach your standard of greatness as well.

Log in tomorrow to see the Top 5 Lessons Learned from the BET Awards!

Thirstdays Fulfilled: First I Had the Tickets...Then They Were Gone

On Sunday, I learned an amazing and painful lesson.

Every Sunday after church I turn to Bubby Love & DJ Herb's old school mix on V103 in Atlanta. This week they just so happen to be giving away tickets to an upcoming Maxwell & Erykah Badu concert. I immediately called not once, not twice, but 28 times. And on the 28th time, the phone actually rang. Bubby Love picked up and after jesting with me for a while, he placed me on hold.

I HAD WON THE TICKETS!!!!! I was so nervous! My hands were shaking! My heart was pounding. And my body was beginning to be covered with sweat.

Suddenly random thoughts began to pour into my mind. "What if this call drops? What if I accidently end the call?" I was so scared. I started thinking about what I could do to prevent this call from ending. I was focusing all this energy on things going wrong, when I should have been living in the moment and enjoying the NOW (me winning the tickets)! And before I knew it, all that negative energy I was creating manifested!!! In an effort to prevent accidently hanging up the call, I pressed my screen lock button and…yeah, you guessed it, I hung up the phone.

My heart dropped, and my stomach became one huge, unbearable knot. “HOW COULD I BE SOOOOOO STUPID?!?!?!” I thought. I had just caused myself to lose out on the one thing that I truly and completely wanted at that moment. I was disgusted with myself and utterly embarrassed! But in my hurt, pain, and anger, I sat quietly and thought.

While I was sitting in awe and silence, I remembered the words to a gospel song I would always sang when getting what I wanted was difficult. “What God has for me it is for me.” Those words were supposed to comfort me, but instead, I heard a voice that said, “It WAS for you! I gave it to you, and YOU messed it up. Stop trying to hold on to and keep from losing what I have given you. Once it’s yours, it’s yours! No one can take it out of your hands but me…or you!”

In that moment I realized that I didn’t want to EVER feel that way or be in that situation again. I had lost out on an amazing opportunity because of my own foolishness. Because I was trying to keep from losing what He had given to me. I could’ve handled losing this opportunity because someone was better than me or even because someone had manipulated me, but no. No one tricked me out of this opportunity. No one caused chaos or conflict. I, alone, messed up what I wanted. And that left me feeling foolish with no one to blame but myself.

After getting the lesson, part of me was still upset, but more of me was appreciative. Hebrews 12:6 says, “…the Lord disciplines those he loves…” Clearly, God had just whipped my butt to teach me a lesson, so He MUST love me. I knew I needed that lesson. God is opening doors of opportunity for me, and if I’m going to successfully walk through them I must be confident that what He’s giving me is mine. I mustn’t spend time fighting to get or keep what has been freely given to me by my Father. I just need to enjoy the benefits of being His child.

At the end of the day, I’m just glad the only thing I had to lose in order to learn this lesson is a couple of concert tickets. At the end of the day, it could’ve been much worse. Because of this loss, God has changed my mindset and ensured that I will do whatever is necessary to make sure I am prepared for the opportunities He is placing before me. The last thing I need is to walk to a door that God has opened for me only to have it slammed in my face because I wasn’t prepared. I can’t have another loss due to my own foolishness. I want all He has for me, and I’m determined to be ready to receive it! Yeah, I may have lost the tickets, but I learned an amazing lesson. And if I’m lucky one of you will know Bubby Love or someone at V103 who can hook a sister up! 

Oh yeah, be careful of the energy you put into the atmosphere. It will come back to you! Make sure what’s coming back is the positivity you want and need in your life.

Kiely Williams is “Spectacular”…or Maybe Not

Kiely Williams, best known for her role as Aquanetta Walker in Disney’s The Cheetah Girls and as part of the R&B group 3LW, is embarking on a new solo career, and she’s making sure you take notice. On April 5th, she released a video for her single “Spectacular” on YouTube, and it definitely had the Internets go nuts!

“Spectacular’s” racy lyrics, sexually video, along with Kiely’s suggestive dance moves had nearly everyone watching giving Kiely either a side eye or a blank stare. Written by Young Money’s Shanell, the song tells the story of a woman who gets wasted at the bar with a stranger before going back to his place for some good ole unprotected sex!

The video opens with Kiely parading down the streets in an outfit only a bad transvestite prostitute would wear and singing (or talking in my opinion *Kanye shrug*):

Last I remember I was face down, ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off!
Even though I’m not sure of his name he could get it again if he wanted…cause the sex was spectacular!

Trashy, huh? Almost immediately, Kiely began to receive criticism for promoting promiscuity and unprotected sexual adventures. She defended herself in a statement posted on her KielyTV YouTube page that read:

The fact is, that sometimes women get intoxicated and have unprotected sex. My video puts this issue front and center. It is absurd to infer or suggest that I am condoning this behavior. Are Lady Gaga and Beyonce advocating murder with the Telephone video? Of, course not. Was Rihanna encouraging suicide with Russian Roulette? No. Was Madonna suggesting that young unmarried girls get pregnant with Papa Dont Preach? I dont think so. Is Academy Award winner Monique a proponent of incest because of her portrayal of Mary in the movie Precious. Clearly, the answer is no.

I wrote Spectacular and made the video to bring attention to a serious womens health and safety issue. Dont shoot the messenger." (Posted as written—errors and all)

There are a five reasons Kiely’s video didn’t work and her statement didn’t go.

• 1) You’re not a proven artist. I’m sorry, but there’s a difference between a performer and an artist. Everyone who Kiely named is an award-winning artist with successful singles and chart-topping albums. Kiely has none of these. When you are an artist, you are able to push society’s limits and people accept it as art. When you’re not an artist people just call you an attention whore and keep it moving.

• 2) “Spectacular” lacked artistic features. I define art as the creative interpretation of life. Nothing about “Spectacular”, the song or video, lived up to this definition. The concept, the lyrics, and the video itself lacked the uniqueness and creativity to be called art. You could walk in any neighborhood bar and see Kiely’s version of art taking place nightly. Basically, I’m saying “Spectacular” wasn’t artistic; it was trashy!

• 3) Her response was disingenuous. Let’s be real. When this song and video were being conceptualized, no one was thinking about making a statement on the dangers of unprotected sex and promiscuity! Seriously, since when has Shanell been known for writing public service announcements (insert side eye here)? Kiely wanted to shock the world and prove that she was a grown-up! That she did. It just didn’t get the positive response she wanted. Next time you want to make a statement about the dangers of one-night stands, write a song about a woman suffering from the burn of gonorrhea and have her take the walk of shame into the free clinic. At least put an explanation at the end so that your less perspective viewers understand what you’re doing.

• 4) You were a DISNEY star!!! I’m sorry but you can’t go from being a child star to a porn star sex symbol over night. The kiddies who once idolized you are still looking for goodness sakes! All child stars that have had successful careers as adults have been gradually ushered into their adult/sexier personas. I mean seriously, I always knew Aquanetta was a little hood, but I don’t want to see her in porn.

• 5) Get a better casting director! If you’re going to put out a hypersexual video at least have a leading man who is sexy!!! Give us someone we can fantasize about! The casting director would’ve been better off choosing Pretty Rick’s Spectacular than dude in the video. At least we know Spectacular has moves!!! Dude in the video didn’t have an ounce of sex appeal! MAJOR FAIL!

There are three main reasons Erykah Badu can do a strip tease in a public park and no one write it off as trashy, Kiely. 1) She’s an artist. 2) She explained the meaning to the slow folks. 3) And she looked good doing it…not like a trashy transvestite. If you want to be an artist, Kiely, you have to step your game up…and learn how to stand by your art when no one else believes in it.

Check out the video below and let me know what you think.

Sorry, God :-(

Last night I had a dream. Anyone who knows me knows that my dreams are somewhat clairvoyant, so whenever I have one, I automatically analyze it.

Last night, I dreamt I was pregnant…VERY PREGNANT! I was like 9 months pregnant, and it was time for me to give birth. There was only one problem, I wasn't ready to give birth. While I was 9 months pregnant, my baby was only 6 months developed, so while I was pushing, nothing was coming out. I was just in pointless pain.

I woke up with a really nagging and negative feeling. I knew I wasn't physically pregnant, but I also knew that dream was a message from God.

I've been slacking on my purpose. I know exactly what God has called me to do; however, I've been doing an awful job of actually working in my purpose. I'm actually extremely embarrassed to even type that. Now is the time…the time for me to birth something great into this world, and I can't do it because I'm not properly prepared. I haven't put in the work to produce the greatness God wants to birth through me.

I desire a lot of great things, so it's utterly embarrassing to have the opportunity to produce one of those great things, but I can't because I have failed to do what I was supposed to do. Never should God be ready to give me something so great, and He can't because I've screwed up.

UGH!!! It's so frustrating, on top of being embarrassing. So many questions are going through my head: what if I never get another chance? What if God completely leaves me alone? What if I'm stuck going around this mountain 7 more times? I just want to scream! Can you believe the mess I've created?!?!

A couple of weeks ago, my pastor gave me the formula for fixing a mess.

Step 1: Acknowledge that you are in a mess. So often we mistake faith for ignoring reality and speaking a bunch of spiritual talk. However, faith is actually being capable of acknowledging your situation and still speaking God's Word into existence, despite how bad it may look.

Step 2: Pray the Word. Hebrews 4:12 says: "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow…" God's Word has the power to penetrate your mess at its core, heal you, and fix that mess.

Step 3: Keep the faith while God does His work. God may not choose to clean up your mess overnight, and it's not your job to create a timetable for God. However, it IS your job to stand in faith and keep believing no matter how long it takes God to fix your mess.

So you are now witnesses as I go on the journey of fixing my self-perpetuated mess. Stand with me, hold me accountable, and keep me believing. Please and thank you!

Dear John: A Letter to My Ex!!!

So yesterday was Valentine's Day, or as a close friend calls it, the Red Death. And unlike a majority of the single women I know, Valentine's weekend was an awesome one for me. I found that this Valentine's weekend was the first one in a long time where I did not find myself stressed about being single, about being without a date, or about him not getting or doing what I wanted. I found myself in a calm, collective, and reflective space that I thoroughly enjoyed. I wasn't jealous or resentful of those in love and enjoying themselves around me. I didn't feel out of place dateless at the V-Day dinner. And I was able to see how much I've grown as my pastor taught on love Sunday morning. For the first time…EVER…I was content with my singleness (thanks VB) on V-Day.

Thinking about how much I've grown, caused me to think back to the relationship that forced me to grow up! And when I say forced, I mean FORCED!!! For me, it was either grow up and be happy or stay stagnate and miserable. With an eternally thankful heart and inspiration from my Twitter fam (#lettertomyex) and the movie Dear John , I decided to write my own Dear John thank you letter. Of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the not so innocent) ;-) ! Wanna read it? Here you go!

Dear John,

It's been a long time since we've spoken. But you crossed my mind this Valentine's Day! I was thinking back on our relationship (or lack thereof) and decided to write you a thank you note. I know you probably expected me to be upset, angry, or bitter…especially once I stopped answering your phone calls, but honestly, I'm not. The only word to describe my feelings towards you is grateful!!!

I've heard a couple of my girlfriends complain about being frustrated about another girl benefiting from everything they taught their exes. It's nothing more disturbing than another woman reaping the reward of what you taught a man. In the words of Beyonce in "Ring the Alarm," "She gon' profit everything I taught, if I let you go." Well, that's how you should feel right about now cause my next one is gonna have one helluva a good, Godly woman on his arms! J

You see, you put me through relationship HELL! I'm not sure if this was done purposely and vindictively or simply because you were too immature, selfish, and self-centered to say what you really wanted and risk losing my love and the benefits of it. But somehow, by the grace of God, I endured the hell you created for me and thrived.

See, the hell you created was the fire I needed to cultivate me into the poised, well-developed, loving and spiritually woman who stands before you. That coal you met is now becoming a flawless diamond. Because you forced me to begin becoming the woman I always wanted to be, I owe you an eternal THANK YOU…for teaching me these 8 lessons.

• Trust God! You were the beginning of my Valley. And that Valley got so dark there were times I didn't think I would come out alive. But in my pain, I grabbed hold to God and clung for dear life. Through this pain, I learned who God really is. I experienced God as my Comforter, my Provider, my Healer, my Savior, my Deliver, and the Eternal Lover of my soul. I love the relationship I now have with God, and I thank you for causing the pain that initiated it!
  
  

• Unconditional love is a decision! Before you, love was an emotion to me. But through my journey with you, I learned that love is a decision…especially on the bad days. All lifelong relationships require unconditional love. Which means no matter how I feel, no matter what he's done, no matter what is going on, I wake up and DECIDE to LOVE! I did that everyday for 3 years with you. And one thing I now know, if I could love you—someone who didn't deserve my love, I most definitely will be able to decide to love the one who is deciding to love me back.

• "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)! Before you, I opened my heart up to individuals too easily. After you I've learned that not everyone deserves a place in my heart. At the end of the day I learned, you can do all the right things for the wrong person and still end up with an UBERFAIL!!! Next time a man gets that much of me, he WILL be the right one!

• The Law of Attraction will slap you in the face. I attract what I put into the universe! If I want a whole and complete man, I must become whole and complete woman. Yes, I've called you childish, immature, selfish, and self-centered, but to be honest, I was too. All of my insecurities, I saw in you. I don't want to be in a relationship with the insecure and miserable Kia. I want to be with a whole and happy individual.

• Believe people when they show or tell me who they are. Had I really listened to you when you spoke early on, I never would've had to endure so much pain. I would've realized that you were someone I really couldn't love long term. We just didn't see eye-to-eye on most things—money, kids, church, life! And like so many women, before and after me, I thought I could change your mind. I thought once you loved me enough, you would see things my way. Woomp, woomp! That didn't work at all! LOL!!!

• Love gives; lust takes! I loved you, and you lusted for me. I gave you my heart, soul, and worldly possession and all you did was ask for more. When one's giving and the other's taking, the giver's going to be constantly empty, and the receiver is going to be overflowing. However if I'm giving, and my lover's giving, both of us will be happy and overflowing! J Will only love a giver in the future!

• I DESERVE THE WORLD AND WON'T SETTLE FOR LESS! In hindsight, the fact that I thought I could spend my life with you disturbs me because I was settling for someone who half loved me, half cared for me, and half provided what I needed. And I think I'm giving you bonus points in most of these areas, lol. What I now know is I deserve to be adored. I deserve a man who will work hard to give me the world. And I'm not settling for anything less than that.

• Once God delivers you, don't go back! Every now and then you left only to come back when it was convenient for you. Each time I would embrace you and love you…until the last time you came back. By then, God had healed me and delivered me from the drama that was our relationship. My life was joyful and drama-free, and I wasn't willing to go backwards. No hard feelings, but once God said it was over, it was over. Luke 11:24-26 says, "When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when he comes, he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first." No offense, but you were that unclean spirit, and I couldn't risk you coming back with 7 times the drama and dragging me in a valley 7 times deeper than the first. No hard feelings, right?
  

I hope you understand that this letter wasn't to bash you. We all make mistakes, and I don't blame you! It was a growing experience for me, and I hope for you as well. Keep living, keep striving, and keep thriving. And thanks for coming into life, causing hell, and forcing me to become a woman my husband will be proud of. In the words of Uncle Curtis, "Love you!" LOL.

Kia