Sorry, God :-(

Last night I had a dream. Anyone who knows me knows that my dreams are somewhat clairvoyant, so whenever I have one, I automatically analyze it.

Last night, I dreamt I was pregnant…VERY PREGNANT! I was like 9 months pregnant, and it was time for me to give birth. There was only one problem, I wasn't ready to give birth. While I was 9 months pregnant, my baby was only 6 months developed, so while I was pushing, nothing was coming out. I was just in pointless pain.

I woke up with a really nagging and negative feeling. I knew I wasn't physically pregnant, but I also knew that dream was a message from God.

I've been slacking on my purpose. I know exactly what God has called me to do; however, I've been doing an awful job of actually working in my purpose. I'm actually extremely embarrassed to even type that. Now is the time…the time for me to birth something great into this world, and I can't do it because I'm not properly prepared. I haven't put in the work to produce the greatness God wants to birth through me.

I desire a lot of great things, so it's utterly embarrassing to have the opportunity to produce one of those great things, but I can't because I have failed to do what I was supposed to do. Never should God be ready to give me something so great, and He can't because I've screwed up.

UGH!!! It's so frustrating, on top of being embarrassing. So many questions are going through my head: what if I never get another chance? What if God completely leaves me alone? What if I'm stuck going around this mountain 7 more times? I just want to scream! Can you believe the mess I've created?!?!

A couple of weeks ago, my pastor gave me the formula for fixing a mess.

Step 1: Acknowledge that you are in a mess. So often we mistake faith for ignoring reality and speaking a bunch of spiritual talk. However, faith is actually being capable of acknowledging your situation and still speaking God's Word into existence, despite how bad it may look.

Step 2: Pray the Word. Hebrews 4:12 says: "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow…" God's Word has the power to penetrate your mess at its core, heal you, and fix that mess.

Step 3: Keep the faith while God does His work. God may not choose to clean up your mess overnight, and it's not your job to create a timetable for God. However, it IS your job to stand in faith and keep believing no matter how long it takes God to fix your mess.

So you are now witnesses as I go on the journey of fixing my self-perpetuated mess. Stand with me, hold me accountable, and keep me believing. Please and thank you!